aureat:

some people have sex in the kitchen

i eat in my bed

What's the most illegal thing you ever did?
Anonymous

sephyerite:

almanzapedia:

At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.

So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.

She refused to fix my grade.

In the end, she shit herself on stage.

I didn’t regret it.

No mercy.

 - Cr1TiKaL Despises Cockroaches
3,554 plays

ampersandsblog:

Audio source: (x)

drkarayua:

glutenfreewaffles:

glutenfreewaffles:

remember when you put your glasses on for the first time and you realized you could see leaves on trees

how  many fucking people on this website wear glasses jfc

it’s always the leaves oh my god

nostrokesjuststrudels:

kelbebop:

I think Pooh is supposed to be dressed as a bee, but it looks like he’s sporting a stylish black two-piece. Kudos, Hallmark.

fierce

nostrokesjuststrudels:

kelbebop:

I think Pooh is supposed to be dressed as a bee, but it looks like he’s sporting a stylish black two-piece. Kudos, Hallmark.

fierce

dajo42:

whenever somebody says like “so what did you do today?” just look off into the distance and say “the right thing”

wizardick:

alternatively if someone asks you what you did today just grimly look down at your hands and say “something I should have done a long time ago…”

2pa2modiia:

merry-lenmas:

papa-heichou:

"I like the singing robots"

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aphrochu:

denmark-and-coffee:

aphrochu:

denmark-and-coffee:

What did the Japanese girl call her transformer brother?

dont

Nissan!

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